I’m not making excuses-I’m just explaining!
I’ve been using that statement most of my life and no one’s really listened/understood it’s meaning. I’m offering a current/real life example of why I haven’t finished a project that I received months ago. While yes a part of me just didn’t wanna do it, I knew it would be beneficial and that it needed to be done so I agreed to do it. My business planner/sister asked/told me to do 2 blog posts by the end of the year. I said “Sure, no problem!” This was at the beginning of October. It is now 11:57am on December 31, 2017 and I am writing the 1st of the 2 posts. I’m about to defend/explain myself as to why it’s taken so long to get started- Remember I’m not make excuses I’m explaining why it’s taken so long!
- I have a very difficult time getting my thoughts out of my head. I’m an intuitive person. Expressing and explaining myself, even to myself, is very complicated and stressful. I have a very difficult time communicating one on one so the thought of trying to write something in a way that everyone could understand is extremely anxiety provoking!
- I’m a Perfectionist. That sentence should explain it all!
- I’m very sensitive and I have a fear of failure. What if I write something that someone doesn’t like, or the sentence structure is wrong, or it’s not grammatically correct, or, etc!!! All of these things stress me out, make me freeze, what ever you want to call it that get me to the point that I can’t do it. Not that I won’t do it, but that I can’t do it. There is a difference. I shut down. Dodson coined a term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria there is a link below to an article in ADDitude magazine that can help explain what it is. Once I learned about it it really helped me understand what I had/have been suffering with as far as my far of failure and my hyper sensitivities.
Trust me it would be easier just to have done it right when she assigned it to me. The intention to do it early was there. My sister had taken so much time and energy to come up with ideas and a great plan to help me relaunch my business at the beginning of 2018. I really appreciate all of her hard work! The nagging and guilt trips during the last few months should have been enough to get me to just do them and get them over with, right? Sound familiar parents? Homework or cleaning room battles make no sense? You nag, fight, take privileges away and nothing seems to work, right? Well even trained coaches have to work at it!
I’ve gotten a lot better! Some of you might be laughing right now, but it’s true! In the past I would be working on this at 11pm and emailing it to her at 11:59. The 2nd post would be sent some time around 1am and hope that she wouldn’t look at what time it was sent! I’ve also gotten better because while it’s been on my mind that it’s been coming due, I haven’t been stressing/obsessing about it constantly from day one like I used to do. I never did my assignments until the last minute, freaked out about them from the moment they were assigned until the second they were due. Yes, most of the time I was finishing them minutes or seconds before they were due, but always got great grades! There were times when I actually did turn papers in early and didn’t do so well on them! I’m also writing this at my office after seeing a client because there are too many distractions at home. Another motivation- I see her today at 4pm for our annual New Year’s get together! Yes, fear is a great motivator! I have to have something done so she doesn’t kill me!
I do have to admit that the biggest reason why I’ve waited until now to get this done is because she gave me until today to get it done! If I have until 11:59:59pm on 12/31/18 to finish something that’s when I have to finish something! When you want someone to do something think about timelines. I think I’ll write about that in my next post!
Here are 2 links that might be helpful. The first is about rejection sensitivity and the second is a TED talk about procrastination my sister sent me that is really funny and fits me to a T
With the start of the new year, people are making their New Years resolutions, but we should simplify the concept and call it what it is: goal planning. This is an excellent time to make goals and to get organized to accomplish those goals. Goals can be new skills that you want to learn, a bad habit that you want to eliminate, or tasks that you want to achieve.
- I recommend starting with three goals. These should be your top priorities and things you think you can accomplish. Once you have reached a goal, you can add a new one.
- Post your goals in a place where you will see them frequently – on your bathroom mirror, or on your computer desktop, for example.
- Try to break down the goal into milestones. You are more likely to stick with it, if you can see the steps you are accomplishing.
- Add goal dates or timelines. It’s ok if you don’t meet those deadlines, but they can help you to keep on task.
- Acknowledge your accomplishments when you meet a goal. Share it with your friends, shout it out loud, dance a victory dance, or simply write a note to yourself to remind you of your achievement.
- Use your phone for calendar items and lists. There are several different apps that you can use. The calendar is an excellent tool to keep track of appointments and tasks. Keeping your shopping list on your phone, and always with you, can prove very helpful.
- Use a planner. A planner can help you see appointments and goals in a more comprehensive manner than a phone might allow. Find a planner that you can make part of your daily routine. A smaller one will fit in your purse or bag, but if you need more space for notes, you might need a large one. If you have a hard time remembering to look at your planner, set an appointment in your phone to remind you to look at it.
- Use a wall calendar. A wall calendar, when placed in a spot where you will see it frequently, can help you remember future important dates.
- Use a notepad or whiteboard on the refrigerator. A refrigerator is an excellent place to make sure you see the reminder.
- Use post-it notes. Post-its have gotten a bad wrap as something an unorganized person uses, but when kept under control, they are a simple and useful tool.
Don’t worry if you don’t accomplish your goals. Goals can be re-evaluated and changed as needed. Working toward goals can help you grow as a person, even if you don’t complete them. Use the goal process as a tool and an opportunity for self reflection.
-R.D., guest blogger
Resilience is defined as the ability to adapt to difficult situations, the ability to bounce back. There is a growing concern about the lack of resiliency in children, teens, and young adults. When something goes wrong, there are a few common reactions- they “freak out” as one little girl I know would say, they freeze up, or they give up. The good news it that resiliency can be learned.
One aspect of resilience is social connection. A strong support system including family and friends is very important. People need love and support during difficult times. Role models of resilient people help model the desired behavior. They prove that it is possible to survive challenges and even use them as an opportunity to learn and grow. Learning how to make friends also helps build resiliency. Learning skill like empathy is also very beneficial. One way to do this is to help others. Volunteer or do a good deed. Learning about others who have shown their resiliency is also helpful. Check out Google, Facebook and Pinterest.
Optimism is another great skill that helps to build resilience. Try looking at a situation as a learning experience. What can I learn from this? Is there another way to look at this? One way to be more optimistic that also builds resilience is at the end of every day write down in a journal all the positive things that happened that day. Especially the times when you bounced back from something negative. Write what happened and how you overcame it. Reading through all the positive and resilient moments in your life reaffirm that you are resilient, you have survived times that you thought you wouldn’t and that you are awesome!
A few of my favorite quotes that help me persevere through hard times are…
“If “Plan A” Didn’t Work. The alphabet has 25 more letters! Stay Cool!” – unknown
“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on”-FB/JOY OF DAD
“You have to have bad days to appreciate the good ones.” – unknown
-Robin Sonntag, ADHD Coach
Why do you need an ADHD coach? Why can’t you just read about ADHD parenting resources? I get this question quite often. I liken it to driver’s ed. Think back to when you learned to drive. Who had the better experiences, the kid’s whose parents taught them or the ones who took driver’s ed? I remember a lot more stories of trauma and drama from the kids whose parents taught them then from the kids who took driver’s ed. Putting a child in a neutral, professional environment gives them the opportunity to learn. There is no history, no memories of bad experiences, no concern over what happens after the lesson. It’s a time when the child and coach can focus on the task at hand, learn a new skill or strategy, and then let go. The pressure of the lesson is over and the child can take a step back and relax. It’s ok to have someone else work with your child on the hard stuff so that you and your child can have more positive experiences together instead of negative ones.
-Robin Sonntag, ADHD Coach
As an ADHD Coach for children, adolescents, families and parents I help build compensatory strategies and executive functioning skills. People often ask what the difference is between coaching and therapy. Therapy deals with the past and the whys. Coaching works on the present, the future, the whats and the hows. ADHD Coaches help build strategies and routines so that children and their families can better manage their ADHD symptoms. It’s my goal to help children thrive and not just survive!